half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
