Sry I called you an 8
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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