So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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