does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
