Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
