I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
