Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
