Christians are straight up FREAKS
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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