we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
