I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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