the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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