last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
