Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
