After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
