You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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