he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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