But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
