it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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