Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
