Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
