My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
