Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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