At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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