I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
