just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
