Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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