Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
