So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
