if you like me you must not know who I am
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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