Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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