the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
