i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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