so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
