if only i could text you this smell
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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