He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How does one acquire holy water?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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