I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
