I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
