need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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