another moral hangover. fuck.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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