I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
