So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
