Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
