Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
