I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
