first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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