That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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