Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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