She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
