Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize