we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
