Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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