Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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