you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
