Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
