His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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