when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
