She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
