What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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