hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
