I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
