Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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