please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
