he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
