He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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