this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
