I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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