I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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