Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i came on her dog
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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