You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
