The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
