My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize